Hey friend,
Do you ever feel like you are only enough when you are busy, productive, or helping everyone else? If slowing down makes you feel anxious or guilty, you are not alone. This is far more common than people think.
Here is something I have learned over the years. Our bodies often link busyness with safety. Many of us grew up believing that if we stop, something bad will happen, someone will be disappointed, or we will fall behind. So even when we try to rest, our bodies do not know how to settle.
We even live in a society where we as women are praised for how much we can do, and how much we have accomplished in the day. We are told we are lazy or inadequate for not rising up in our careers, or serving on the PTA, or bringing the perfect Pinterest snacks to soccer pickup. So what happens? Our system learns that we are not enough, not doing enough, and inadequate if we don't maintain our reputation and stay busy enough.
A therapist once asked me a question that became a turning point for me. He said, “What if that’s okay?” He meant the tiredness. The overwhelm. The fear of slowing down. The guilt for wanting help. The belief that I needed to hold everything together. What if all of it was okay? That one question changed my entire perspective and immediately invited self-compassion into my life.
If you want to try something simple this week, here is a reflection that still helps me.
The next time you feel the pressure to perform or to be perfect, pause and ask yourself: “What am I afraid might happen if I stopped?” Let whatever surfaces be honest. Then gently ask: “What if that’s okay?”
Sometimes our nervous system just needs permission to stop bracing.
If this speaks to something in you, I recently recorded a YouTube video that goes deeper into this idea of why slowing down feels so threatening to the body and how we begin to unwind that fear. You can watch it here if you want to explore the topic a little more.
I would love to hear how this lands for you. What came up when you asked yourself those two questions? You can reply directly to this email and share anything you feel comfortable sharing. I always enjoy reading your reflections.
With warmth,
Kimberlie